


That Which Is Called Ego Death

by WinterSky101



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Fix-It, Gen, Genderfluid Loki (Marvel), Implied/Referenced Suicide, Loki: Agent of Asgard (2014) #13, Mythology - Freeform, Non-Chronological, Resolution, Sort Of, Storytelling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-05-08 16:21:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14697861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterSky101/pseuds/WinterSky101
Summary: There was a time when a Titan snapped the neck of a god, but it wasn’t the end of the story, it was the beginning.





	That Which Is Called Ego Death

**Author's Note:**

> This takes inspiration from a few different comics, specifically the Avengers/Ultraforce crossover comics and Loki: Agent of Asgard (especially issue 13). The title comes from Loki: Agent of Asgard.

There was a time when a Titan put a scepter in his hand, and it tangled itself in his mind as much as in the minds of those he ensnared.

There was a time when he claimed the Tesseract in the name of a greater master, but he was the one to touch it, the one to feel its power.

There was a time when he twisted threads of green seidr together in introduction with threads of red Aether in the snatches of privacy while the others slept.

There was a time when the fingers of a gauntlet wrapped around his throat and squeezed, but he has wielded two Infinity Stones and tasted three. Loki has never been one to die easily.

* * *

There was a time, in the beginning of creation, when six Stones were created. Space, Mind, Reality, Power, Time, and Soul. They were brought into being by the only other things in existence at the time: the Cosmic Entities of Death, Entropy, Eternity, and Infinity. This is not a story that they taught in school on Asgard, not a story that most people would know. This is a story that Loki taught himself in scraps and pieces from the greatest libraries in the realms during his years masquerading as Odin. This is a story that he coaxed from the lips of a being almost old enough to have seen it himself, when he had lulled the Grandmaster into a post-coital relaxation.

Thanos may know this story, but Loki doubts it. He's interested in the Stones' power, not their origin. He wouldn't trouble himself with an old myth about their creation.

Loki knows better. There's some truth in every myth. It's something he's learned, as a myth himself. The Midgardians may have been missing many details, but they had the right idea. The myths of the Infinity Stones are the same.

It's in those myths that Loki finds the whispers of a seventh Stone and another Cosmic Entity who made it. Nemesis, who was there before even the other Entities, who divided herself into  _seven_  singularities, not six. Space, Mind, Reality, Power, Time, Soul, and Ego.

Loki knows Thanos doesn't know this story. His gauntlet has places for six Stones, not seven.

It's his loss.

* * *

"No other being has ever had the might - nay, the  _nobility_  - to wield not one, but two Infinity Stones," Maw gushes as he gives Thanos the Tesseract.

Loki, hidden away in the wreckage, smirks. He has wielded two. He has caught spiders in the Mind Stone's web while reaching through the universe with the Space Stone. He was closer to his scepter, but still, when he returned to Asgard in Odin's guise, the Tesseract greeted him as a friend. And he has toyed with the Reality Stone, which Thanos has yet to claim. Thanos is wielding two at a time. Loki has done so as well. Thanos has touched one other, and so has Loki.

Thanos isn't as special as he thinks he is.

When Thanos tells his children to go to Midgard, Loki makes his move. He comes out of the wreckage, offers himself to Thanos, conjures a knife.

Thanos stops him, of course, but Loki always knew he would.

He stops him with the Space Stone, and Loki welcomes its familiar rush of power. The Stone welcomes him in return. He's glad that Thanos chose the Space Stone for this. He's certain he could charm the Power Stone as well, given time, but time is something that he has a limited amount of. The Space Stone, he knows.

Loki soaks up its power and pretends, when Thanos grips his arm, that he's immobile. He could move if he wanted to, stab upwards with his knife, but that might prompt Thanos to do something more drastic, or push his children to action. Even if his knife could reach its mark, Loki has no guarantees that it'll be the end.

It's been over five years since he failed Thanos on Midgard and Thanos promised a painful retribution. He's not about to truly take on Thanos without knowing he'll win. Not acting now might be bloody in the short run, but it's the long run that Loki's interested in.

Thanos's gauntleted fingers wrap around Loki's neck, and he lifts him off the ground. He squeezes, and Loki struggles. His throat closes, and he flails.

He still manages to find air for one last quip.

"You… will never be… a god."

Thanos's fingers squeeze, and Loki's neck snaps.

Thanos is a fool.

Loki may not look it, but he's a jötunn, and their bodies are different from humans or Æsir. A broken neck will barely slow him down.

The Space Stone would never kill him anyway.

* * *

"You call yourself a god," Thanos said once, when he visited Loki on the Sanctuary, in his cell in the middle of empty space. "And yet look at you now."

Loki had no response. Even if he'd wanted to say something, more than half his face had been melted off by the continuously dripping poison from the ceiling. His lips, eyes, nose, skin… They were all gone. His seidr was frantically tripping over itself to regrow them, but until the poison ceased, it was fruitless.

It was Thanos's newest attempt to break him. Loki had lost count of how many things Thanos had tried so far. He had lost count of how long he'd been on the Sanctuary, had no idea how long it had been since he fell from the Bifrost, but it felt like an eternity. Years, at least. The poison was more recent. He wasn't sure exactly when it had started, but he knew it had only been a few weeks, perhaps a month at most. Loki would not let so short a torture be the one to make him crack.

"A god," Thanos repeated, shaking his head in disdain. "And yet you have so little power. You don't even have the power to save yourself."

A hand gripped Loki's head. Loki made a choked noise, deep in his throat, as Thanos turned his head so the poison would hit a fresh spot, a spot that hadn't been melted into oblivion already.

"Look at you," Thanos said again, his hand tight around Loki's skull. "You're weak. Your family knew that. Your people knew that. Everyone always did."

Loki hoped the noise he made sounded more defiant this time, but he was fairly certain it only sounded like pain.

"But I can give you power," Thanos said, his voice soft and lulling. "I can give you more power than you could ever dream of. If you help me, I will help you in return."

Loki directed all of the seidr he could scrape together towards his tongue and lips. When he had cobbled together some approximation of them, he managed to choke out, "You… are not… a god."

The hand around his skull squeezed. Loki felt the bone begin to crack under the pressure. His seidr flared, twisting against the onslaught, trying to protect him. It was too weak to do anything, had been for a long time, but still instinct forced it to try.

"I am more powerful than your  _gods_ ," Thanos hissed, his breath hot against the ruins of Loki's face. "And you should fear me more than you fear any of them."

Any response would be impossible, but Thanos didn't wait for one anyway. The hand around Loki's skull disappeared, and footsteps echoed through the room as Thanos walked to the door of the cell and left.

If Loki had been able to, he would have laughed. He knew that what he had done would have consequences, but he had no regrets. He had finally rattled Thanos. He had finally figured out what words would hurt.

_You are not a god, and you will never be one._

* * *

The  _Statesman_  explodes in a fiery mess of shrapnel and bodies. Loki cocoons himself in seidr and waits. He's already wrapped threads of seidr around his neck to pull the bones back into place. The power from the Space Stone that Thanos unknowingly gave him is a welcome boost. He needs every scrap of power that he can have.

He should go. He knows what he has to do, knows where he has to go - or, at least, where he has to start searching - but he doesn't leave the wreckage. Thor can't know that he survived, he can't have that distraction, but Loki will not leave his brother to drift in this icy nothingness. He's not going anywhere until Thor is safe.

It doesn't take long for a ship to answer their distress call. It's too late for most of them, of course, but not for Thor. He's reeled in, brought into the relative safety of the ship, and Loki breathes a sigh of relief.

Well. That's that, then. Thor is safe, and now he can leave.

There are six Stones that Thanos knows of. Two, he already has. The Stones on Midgard will be simple enough for him to find, and Loki doubts the Collector will be much of a protector for the Reality Stone. The Soul Stone may give Thanos some pause, but Loki doubts it'll be enough to stop him.

And then there's the seventh Stone, the Ego Stone. The one that Thanos will never look for, because he doesn't know it exists. The one Loki needs to find.

The one that only exists in the barest hints of myths.

It's alright. Every myth has its own truth. The trick is stripping away the lies until you reveal it.

It's a good thing that lies happen to be Loki's specialty.

* * *

The first thing Loki does upon reaching a somewhat safe planet is to shapeshift into her female-presenting form. She's been feeling more feminine for a while now, and this form is less immediately recognizable. Thanos has never seen her like this.

She needs to find a place to hole up and rest, and figure out where she's going to go next. Her seidr is strained, and she hasn't had a full night's sleep in far too long. If she keeps moving, she'll just burn herself out.

She doesn't have much time, though, so she doesn't bother trying to find anything fancy. She rents a cheap hotel room and adds some extra protections to the lock, then she lies down on the bed and sleeps for a few hours. It's not much, but it's better than nothing.

When she wakes, she begins to research. It barely takes a trickle of seidr to reach into the dimensional pocket where she's stashed all of the information she's found about the Ego Stone. She takes it all out and puts it on the floor around her, spreading papers around and studying massive tomes copied from libraries all across the realms.

The Ego Stone itself is only mentioned in myths, but there are other paths Loki can follow. She flips through one book until she finds the descriptions of the singularities that later became the Infinity Stones. They were born when the universe was new, so things wouldn't have been the same as they are now, but there would still be similarities. There have to be. And if they were born, they had to be born  _somewhere_.

It's not much, but it's better than nothing.

Loki pores over star charts, cross-references all of her books, and finally finds a place. She's not certain that it's right, but it's somewhere to start. The singularities were born on…

Oh.

Oh, of  _course_.

She grins. This doesn't make things  _easy_ , necessarily, but it does make them a bit less complicated.

She puts her things away in the dimensional pocket. She removes the lock she put over the door, drawing the seidr back under her skin. She leaves the room and checks out of the hotel.

Then she spreads out her seidr and searches.

The Bifrost is the easiest way to travel between realms, yes, but there are other ways. There are other passages. Loki doesn't know where they all are, that would be absurd, but she knows how to find them. She knows what they feel like, how they make her skin tingle when she touches them. She knows how to pry the threads open, and then how to weave them closed again when she's on the other side.

Her skin tingles.

Loki pokes her fingers through the hole in the universe, and she pries it open. She slips into the place between realms and closes the doorway behind her.

It's very dark. Normally, she doesn't come here. Normally, she opens both doors at the same time, the door out of the realm she's in and the door into the realm she wants to visit. Normally, she avoids the Void as much as she can.

Unfortunately, that's not going to be possible this time.

She's still clinging to the threads that she took apart before. They're the only things keeping her from falling. If she lets go, she will fall.

She's already let go, and she fell then. She doesn't ever want to do that again.

Unfortunately, she doesn't have a choice.

 _Norns, protect me,_  she thinks desperately, and she lets go, and she falls.

* * *

"Tell me a story," Loki asked the Grandmaster one night, as they lay together, tangled in the silken sheets of the Grandmaster's bed.

"A story?" the Grandmaster asked. "What, uh, what kind of story?"

"Tell me about the birth of the universe," Loki said.

He didn't know much about the Elders of the Universe, but he did know one thing: their beliefs linked the birth of the universe to the Infinity Stones. He supposed that was more than fair. They did happen at about the same time. It was convenient for him as well, given that he was always on the lookout for more information about the Infinity Stones. He didn't have the same obsession that Thanos did, but if he wanted to stop an enemy more powerful than him, he would have to know as much as he could about his enemy's power.

Thanos wouldn't be the first enemy more power than Loki whom he had stopped, but that wouldn't make it any easier.

The Grandmaster laughed. "I'm not  _quite_  that old, Lo-lo."

"But surely there must be myths," Loki replied. He knew there were, he'd found records of them in the Asgardian library, but he didn't know the details. The Grandmaster, he hoped, would. "I'm fond of myths, myself. Tell me, Grandmaster, what sort of stories did the Elders tell?"

"Well," the Grandmaster relented, as Loki had known he would, "there was one story."

"Yes?"

"About the Stones."

"Infinity Stones?" Loki asked.

The Grandmaster beamed. "Exactly! You, Lo-lo, are so smart." He tapped the tip of Loki's nose with a long finger. "You impress me, you know? And it's… Well, it's not easy to impress me."

"How did the story go?" Loki asked.

"Single-minded, aren't you?" The Grandmaster sighed and rolled over onto his stomach. "Well. There were these singularities, right? Seven of them."

"Seven?"

"Well, depends on the story. Some say six, but, uh, I always preferred the ones that talked about seven."

Loki forced himself not to show his excitement on his face. In all the research he'd done, there had only been whispers of a seventh Stone. He'd been intrigued by it, but he hadn't found much information. If the Grandmaster could tell him more, that might be enough to teach him something even Thanos didn't know.

"Then tell me a story with seven," Loki said. He propped himself up on one elbow and looked at the Grandmaster. "What were the singularities?"

"Unh-uh," the Grandmaster scolded. "That's not the beginning."

"I apologize. What  _is_  the beginning, then?"

"So, there's this… this Cosmic Entity," the Grandmaster began. "Her name is Nemesis, and she's the only thing that exists."

"The only thing?" Loki asked. "What about the other Cosmic Entities?"

"No, she's the first one," the Grandmaster said. "So she's all there is. Just her. And, you know, she's lonely, right? She's, uh, she's alone, and she doesn't want to be alone anymore, so she decides to kill herself."

Loki blinked. "She does what?"

"She kills herself," the Grandmaster repeats. "Well, sort of. See, she divides herself into the seven singularities. Then, she kinda… Well, she scatters them. You know, sends them all over the universe. And then, they wait."

"And what were the singularities?" Loki asked again. "Or have we not reached that point?"

"No, I guess we've reached it," the Grandmaster replied. "There's Space, Time, Power, Mind, Reality, Soul, and Ego."

They were all familiar, expect the last one. Loki had never heard of the Ego Stone.

"And what happens to them?" Loki asked, coaxing the Grandmaster forward.

"Well, there, uh, there are these other Cosmic Entities now," the Grandmaster said. "When Nemesis died, she kinda… paved the way for them. They're Entropy, Eternity, Infinity, and Death. And they, you know, they take the singularities, and they form them into these Stones. Seven Stones for the seven singularities."

"The Infinity Stones," Loki murmured.

"Never could quite figure out why they were called that," the Grandmaster said. "I'd have called them Nemesis Stones. Since they come from Nemesis. How come Infinity gets all the credit?"

"So there's seven Stones?" Loki asked.

"Seven Stones," the Grandmaster confirmed. "And the Entities kept them scattered, but some people found them. Some of them even used them, but most people couldn't. The Stones are too powerful."

"I've heard of the other Stones, but never the Ego Stone," Loki said slowly. "What does it do?"

"Weeeeeell," the Grandmaster wheedled, "it's never been seen. Some people don't even believe in it. That's why it's not in all the stories."

"But it is in some of them."

The Grandmaster tapped Loki on the nose. "I like you. My brother, he gets all annoyed when I bring up the Ego Stone. All, 'It's not real, En Dwi' or 'I only believe in things I can see.' And I'm all, 'You've never seen the Soul Stone and you believe in that,' and he's all, 'Yeah, but  _some_  people have seen it. No one's seen the Ego Stone.' And I'm all, 'You know what, Taneleer, get off my planet,' and then we don't talk for a couple millennia. You know. Brother stuff."

"Never having seen something is no reason not to believe in it," Loki replied. "What does the Ego Stone do?"

" _So_  single-minded," the Grandmaster sighed. "Not quite as cute now as it is in bed."

"Technically, we're still in bed," Loki replied.

The Grandmaster grinned. "Well, look at that."

"And once you finish the story…" Loki traced his fingers down the Grandmaster's bare back. "Perhaps I could be single-minded about something else."

"Hmm, could you?" the Grandmaster teased. "I mean, the story's almost done. The Ego Stone is supposed to have the consciousness of Nemesis. You know, her ego? So, uh, the stories say that if you get it, then it… Well, it kinda possesses you, and I guess it gives you some of Nemesis's powers. Kinda like less-powerful versions of the Stones. And if you get all Seven Stones together, the stories say Nemesis will be reborn."

Loki blinked.  _That_  was new. "Nemesis will be reborn?"

"That's why she scattered the singularities," the Grandmaster replied. "If they're all together, they, uh, they turn back into her. All kinda pull back into one being."

"So the Stones will be gone, and Nemesis will be born from them."

"That's what the stories say," the Grandmaster replied. "But, uh, that's the end of this story."

Loki took a moment to commit all of this new information to memory so he could think it over later, then he pressed a kiss to the small of the Grandmaster's back. "So it is."

* * *

There's no sound in the Void, so Loki knows she's out of it when she can hear her own screams again. She lands hard, smashing into the ground, and pain radiates through her body.

At least she's where she's supposed to be.

Sakaar looks the same as ever. Loki had worried for a moment that perhaps their little rebellion had been enough to actually destabilize the Grandmaster, but given that his tower looks completely intact, she doubts it. She should have known better than to think that anything they could do would actually stop an Elder of the Universe.

She hears footsteps coming towards her and immediately cloaks herself in invisibility. She's not about to be dragged before the Grandmaster like a piece of trash. She's a goddess and a Prince of Asgard (or whatever's left of it), and that is not an indignity she will suffer.

The Grandmaster may do worse things when he sees her, after what happened when she left, but it's a risk Loki is going to have to take.

It's not far to the tower. Loki heads to it, feeling uncomfortable déjà vu from the last time she did this. When she first crashed on Sakaar, she headed to the tower because she thought it was where the most powerful person on the planet was, and Loki has always been drawn to powerful people. Now, she goes because she knows that person's power, and she has no choice but to throw herself on his mercy.

Her female-presenting form is no disguise here. Sakaar is a place where no one would think twice if someone went from presenting as male one day to presenting as female the next. Loki lived as a man for most of the time before Thor arrived, but there were days where she lived as a woman. The Grandmaster knows her current form intimately. There's no point in assuming a disguise or even turning herself invisible, so Loki doesn't try. She heads into the Grandmaster's tower with her head high, only sparing wisps of seidr to repair her clothes to their usual pristine quality.

The Grandmaster is having a party, as usual, and Loki slips into it. It's not because she thinks the Grandmaster will avoid a scene - she knows well that he  _loves_  a scene - but because the crowds will make it easier to disappear if she has to. She still doesn't know that she'll be able to, but she can try.

"Well," a voice says behind her when she's halfway to the bar. "I, uh, I didn't think I'd see you again."

Loki turns, fixing a smile on her face. "Grandmaster."

The Grandmaster is behind her. Topaz is nowhere to be seen, to Loki's relief. She never liked her, and the feeling was always mutual. It's just the Grandmaster, the same blue stripe down his chin as ever, looking at Loki with an inscrutable expression on his face.

"I thought you left," the Grandmaster says. "Your brother certainly did."

"I had to leave," Loki replies. "My home was going to be destroyed."

"Hmm." Loki still can't read any emotions on the Grandmaster's normally-expressive face. "And now you're back?"

"Not… exactly," Loki hedges. "There is a being who is a great threat to the universe, Grandmaster. A Titan named Thanos."

The Grandmaster's brow furrows a bit. "That name… Hmm. Sounds kinda familiar. Thanos, you said?"

"Also known as the Mad Titan," Loki replies. "He…" Loki looks around at the rest of the party, which is beginning to notice her presence. "Could we discuss this elsewhere, Grandmaster?"

The Grandmaster's frown deepens. "I mean, you did leave."

Loki swallows.

"And there was this little, uh, this little revolution. Did you have anything to do with that?"

"I would never do such a thing," Loki assures him. "Grandmaster, I only left to save my people."

"Well…" The Grandmaster sighs. "I guess I can't fault that too much. I mean, I can fault it a bit, but it's mostly okay."

He turns and starts walking away. Loki blinks, wondering if this means her audience is ended, when the Grandmaster turns back around.

"You wanted to talk about this somewhere else, right?"

Loki scrambles to the Grandmaster's side immediately. "Thank you, Grandmaster."

The Grandmaster pats Loki's cheek. "You're just too cute, Lo-lo. Can't resist that face."

They walk to one of the Grandmaster's private rooms. The Grandmaster sits on the massive bed that takes up most of the room and looks expectantly at Loki.

"So? This, uh, this Thanos? What did you want to tell me about him?"

"He intends to wipe out half of all life," Loki says. "He thinks that we - that is, all living beings - are straining the universe's resources too much, and if we continue unchecked, we will cause the destruction of everything."

"So he wants to prevent the potential destruction of everything by destroying half of everything right now?" the Grandmaster says. "That, uh, that's a pretty stupid plan."

"I agree," Loki replies. "But Thanos believes in his plan wholeheartedly."

"And how does he think he's gonna kill half of everything?" the Grandmaster asks. "I mean, not exactly an easy thing to do."

"With the power of the Infinity Stones."

The Grandmaster looks stunned.

"He has a gauntlet," Loki explains. "It can withstand the power of the Stones, and once he has all of them, he'll be able to murder half the universe with a snap of his fingers."

"Oh," the Grandmaster says. "Oh, he might… He might actually be able to do that. I mean, it's still stupid, especially cause the Stones could, you know, just make enough resources or something, but he could do it."

"But he only knows of six Stones," Loki says. "Grandmaster, I have to find the seventh."

The Grandmaster hums. "So you came to me?"

"I came to Sakaar," Loki corrects. Her lips curve into a grin. "This place is more than just your kingdom, or an intergalactic trash heap. This is where Nemesis scattered herself into singularities. This is where the Infinity Stones began."

The Grandmaster smiles. "You impress me, Lo-lo. Always have. So smart."

"Do you know where the Ego Stone is?"

The Grandmaster sighs. "Well. Here's the thing. I don't know where the Stone  _is_ , but, uh, I may know someone who does."

"Who?"

"Can't tell you that easy, Lo-lo."

Loki stares, wide-eyed. "Grandmaster, please, I need to know."

"I… See, I made a deal. I promised I would keep this person a secret. You know, they value their privacy."

"Grandmaster, half the  _universe_  is at stake-"

"Oh, stop worrying," the Grandmaster says, waving a hand. "There's a loophole."

"A loophole?" Loki repeats.

"A loophole," the Grandmaster confirms. "You want the location, you have to beat me."

Loki blinks. "Beat you at what?"

"Well, that's up to you." The Grandmaster shrugs. "Anything you want, really. Pick a game, we'll play, and if you win, then you get the location."

"Any game?"

"Any game. Ooh, we could do a battle. Maybe like my Contest of Champions! Or we could even each have our own team. What do you think?"

"I'd prefer something simpler," Loki replies, her mind whirring at the speed of light. The Grandmaster is very good at games, but he's not infallible. "So I choose a game, and as long as I don't lose, I get the location?"

"Exactly."

"Then I choose hnefatafl."

The Grandmaster blinks, looking surprised. "Are you sure?"

"Certain."

Still looking somewhat dubious, the Grandmaster waves a hand and summons the familiar board. He and Loki played this game many times while Loki was on Sakaar, and she never won once. At first, the Grandmaster won every game they played. As Loki played against him more and more, she began to realize the Grandmaster's strategies and do better, but even still, almost every game ended up being a draw. Loki never won.

"You're sure?" the Grandmaster asks one last time. "Once we start, that's it."

"I'm sure."

The Grandmaster shrugs and makes his first move. Loki counters, and the game is on.

If Loki had thought the Grandmaster would go easy on her, given the stakes, she would have been wrong. Luckily, she hadn't expected any such thing. The Grandmaster is always half a step ahead of her, and although Loki can counter most of his movements, she can never quite catch up.

The game ends a draw.

"Well," the Grandmaster says, sounding almost mournful. "I guess that's that."

Loki grins. "I'd like the location, please."

The Grandmaster looks from the board to Loki in confusion. "Uh, Lo-lo, you didn't win."

"Ah, but I didn't play to win," Loki corrects. "I played not to lose. You agreed with me, remember? As long as I didn't lose, I got the location."

There's silence for a moment, then the Grandmaster bursts out laughing. "You are so smart! I love it!"

"That was our deal," Loki says smugly.

"Yeah it was," the Grandmaster replies. "Alright. You sure you can't stay here a while longer?"

Time moves differently on Sakaar, but Loki doesn't know how differently, and she doesn't know how long it'll take Thanos to collect all the Infinity Stones. For all she knows, it may be too late already. She can't waste a single second.

"I'm sorry," she apologizes. "Once I know the location, I have to leave."

The Grandmaster sighs. "Yeah, I figured. I can, uh, give you a hand with that if you want. You know, getting there."

A ship would be much appreciated. "Thank you."

The Grandmaster nods and, without warning, puts a hand on Loki's forehead.

Knowledge trickles into her mind, a flash of a location, and then she's gone.

* * *

The story of Nemesis is not one that Loki enjoys.

It's not necessarily the most enjoyable story in the first place, she supposes. Nor is it meant for enjoyment. It's a history, a parable, a myth. An explanation for the Infinity Stones.

What Loki doesn't like is that the singularities were born of death.

There was a time when Loki dangled over the edge of the shattered Bifrost, one hand gripping Gungnir, Odin's denial still echoing in the air. There was a time when Loki decided that life, especially life as a rejected jötunn war prize, was not worth living. There was a time when Loki looked down at the Void, looked up at Odin and Thor, and let go.

There was a time when Loki tried to kill herself, and the fact that the Stones come from Nemesis's suicide is not a fact that she feels comfortable with.

It doesn't matter in the end, she supposes. What happened with Nemesis happened long, long before she was born. There's nothing she can do about it now. The Infinity Stones exist, and the option to ignore them doesn't.

Still, every mention of Nemesis feels like a cold finger tracing down her spine, with the equally cold reminder that Nemesis's oblivion is one she once sought.

She would not have broken herself into singularities. Her death would not have created Stones so powerful they could rewrite the fabric of the universe.

What, Loki wonders, would she have left behind?

* * *

When Loki opens her eyes, she's standing in the middle of an island. There's a mansion before her, large and glorious. She takes a step towards it, then pauses and turns.

The mansion is not where she's supposed to go.

She goes instead to the water's edge, where she can see the silhouette of a woman. As she gets closer, she sees that the woman is tall and dark-haired, save for a horizontal stripe of green hair above her shoulders. She's staring out into the sea, completely still.

"En Dwi sent you," she says.

"He did," Loki replies. "And you are Sersi."

"I am," Sersi replies, turning to face Loki. "Who are you?"

"I am Loki." There's no sign of realization on Sersi's face. "Of Asgard."

"Of Asgard…" Sersi repeats slowly, as if she's savoring the words. "Tell me, how is the Realm Eternal?"

"Dead," Loki replies flatly. "Destroyed. It was not so eternal after all."

Sersi looks startled, but only for a moment. "Is that why you came to me? You thought I could do something to help?"

"No," Loki replies. "I came to you because I seek the Ego Stone."

Sersi is truly shocked this time. "You seek the Ego Stone? Why?"

"There is a being known as Thanos," Loki says. "A Titan who intends to murder half the universe. He believes it will bring some sort of balance if he does."

"What does this have to do with the Stone?"

"He is collecting the other six Stones. And with their power, he will burn half the universe to ashes."

Sersi stares at Loki for a long moment, then sighs. "Come with me," she says, leading her away from the water. Loki follows as they head to the mansion, and then in through its doors.

"Sit," Sersi says, gesturing to a pallet covered in silken pillows. She herself sits crosslegged and looks at Loki expectantly. Loki sits slowly, folding her legs beneath her.

"Now," Sersi says, "tell me everything about Thanos, and I will decide whether or not to tell you where the Ego Stone is."

"We don't have time," Loki protests. "Thanos has two of the Stones already, and he'll collect the other four with ease. We need-"

"We're still on Sakaar, you know," Sersi interrupts. "Just another part of it. Time does not move here, not the way it does in the rest of the universe. A year here would be a few minutes anywhere else. We can afford the wait."

Loki swallows, and then she tells the story.

She tells Sersi what she's pieced from together the bits of Thanos's backstory that she has heard or guessed. She tells how Thanos began to travel across the stars after his home died, going from planet to planet in an attempt to balance the universe. She tells how Thanos has slaughtered half of every race he's come across. She tells how Thanos takes orphans and molds them into weapons he calls his children.

She tells Sersi how she fell into the Void and came out on the Sanctuary, left to Thanos's nonexistent mercy. She tells how she was tortured and beaten and broken until she was willing to march on Midgard as a general of Thanos's army, as the leader of the advance team that would procure the Space Stone. She tells how she was defeated, and how she put the shattered bits of her psyche back together over the years that followed. She tells how Thanos, during that time, continued to search for Infinity Stones.

She tells Sersi how Thanos attacked what was left of Asgard as they fled the ruins of their home, killing everyone he touched, and how he took the Space Stone from her and set it alongside the Power Stone in his gauntlet. She tells how she faked her own death and left Thanos to search for the Stones, focused on something much greater. She tells how she went to Sakaar, how she played against the Grandmaster for the location of the one who knew how to find the Ego Stone, and then, finally, she closes her mouth and waits for Sersi's decision.

There is a long silence, long enough that Loki begins to worry. She's about to say something when Sersi finally opens her mouth.

"Do you know what the Ego Stone is?"

"I was led to believe it contains Nemesis's consciousness."

Sersi nods. "It does. Which is why it is the most important, even though it's the least powerful on its own. If the Ego Stone is destroyed, Nemesis is gone."

"Can the Stones be destroyed?" Loki asks. All of her research has led her to believe that it's practically impossible.

"With the power of the other six, there is little this Thanos could not do," Sersi says. "And if Nemesis is gone, the other Infinity Stones will shatter."

"Would that not stop Thanos?" Loki asks. It's not ideal, but-

"It will destroy the very singularities the Stones represent," Sersi says, her voice sharp. "The universe will devolve into chaos. I promise you, it will be far worse than if half of all life is allowed to be destroyed."

Loki swallows hard and nods. "I understand."

"I am the guardian of the Ego Stone," Sersi adds. "I cannot give it up to anyone who might cause it to be harmed." She fixes Loki with a piercing gaze. "Which is why I need you to tell me your plan."

"My plan?"

"You have told me what Thanos intends," Sersi says. "You have told me that you seek the Ego Stone to stop him. But you have not told me  _how_  you intend to stop him. I need to know before I can give you the Stone."

Mind whirring at top speed, Loki opens her mouth. "I-"

"And do not lie to me," Sersi interrupts sharply. "I will know if you do, and I will not entrust the Stone to a liar."

Loki pauses, reevaluates, and starts again. "I have been told," she begins slowly, "that reuniting the Ego Stone with the other Stones will bring Nemesis back to life."

"That has been theorized," Sersi says. "Did En Dwi tell you that? He's always been fond of those stories."

"Is there reason to believe it's true?" Loki asks, her heart sinking. If there isn't, if she's done all this believing one of the lies in the story instead of the truth-

"There is," Sersi replies, making Loki let out a long sigh of relief. "Is that your plan?"

"If Nemesis reclaims the Stones, Thanos will not have them," Loki replies, shrugging. "He'll be too powerful to defeat with all the Stones, so the only way to defeat him will be to remove them from him somehow. This seems the best way to do it."

Sersi looks at Loki with something unreadable in her eyes. "You came all this way based on a story."

"On Asgard, I was known as the goddess of lies," Loki says. "I've always been skilled at telling what's a lie and what's truth. The stories of Nemesis and the Ego Stone struck me as true."

"You have initiative," Sersi says. Her lips curve into a small smile. "The Stone will appreciate that."

Loki barely dares to hope. "You mean-"

"Loki of Asgard," Sersi says, standing. "Come with me. It's time you met the Ego Stone."

* * *

There was only one book in the Asgardian royal library that mentioned the possibility of a seventh Stone. Asgard had always been stubbornly focused on things that had been  _proved_. Loki had always preferred proving them himself, so the lack of information didn't dishearten him in the least.

During the day, he masqueraded as Odin, wearing his father's skin and ruling Asgard in his stead. But at night, he continued his research, looking for any other whispers of a seventh Stone. If it was real, if Thanos didn't know…

Loki had known he would need a miracle to defeat Thanos. This could be his miracle.

The book was full of the mythos of the Elders of the Universe. The Elders, it seemed, linked the Infinity Stones with the birth of the universe. The mention of a seventh Stone was hardly more than a footnote, a mention that, while most myths described six Infinity Stones, there were a few that included a seventh. There was no information on what the Stone was, or what it could do, but if it existed, if Thanos didn't know, if Loki could reach it first… He could win.

"Odin" went into the OdinSleep, a convenient excuse for Loki to do some exploring. With a simulacrum safely under the golden covers, Loki slipped out of Asgard and into the other realms.

Vanaheim had massive libraries with tomes that couldn't be found even on Asgard, and the libraries in Alfheim put even those to shame. Loki had visited both of them before when he was young, both times invited. He was invited into them this time as well, although not in his own skin. Being a shapeshifter had its benefits. There was magic there that could wipe away illusions, but true, bone-deep shapeshifting was much harder to detect. Loki had taken advantage of that for decades, and he wasn't about to stop now.

There were two books on Vanaheim that mentioned a seventh Stone, and three on Alfheim. Loki created copies with a hint of seidr and tucked them away into his dimensional pocket, along with a copy of the book from Asgard.

Six books weren't many, but they were  _something_. The seventh Stone was something. Perhaps it was nothing more than a myth, but there was an entire realm that had thought Loki himself was a myth. Myths were not to be easily discounted. They came from  _somewhere_ , and Loki was going to find out where.

* * *

Sersi takes Loki deep into her mansion, to a simple room with a small chest on a pillar in the middle. "The Ego Stone is not like the others," she says as she steps towards the chest. "It does not have the powers of the others. It contains the consciousness of Nemesis, not her powers."

"The Grandmaster said that someone with the Ego Stone would have lesser versions of the other Stones' powers," Loki counters.

Sersi makes a face. "En Dwi isn't…  _wrong_ , exactly, but it's more complicated than that. The Ego Stone holds a consciousness, a powerful one. If you touch it, it will give you the powers of that consciousness, but it will overtake your mind. And if you emerge… you will not be the same. It forces a choice of everyone who uses it."

Loki nods and takes the information for the warning it is. "Do you have a way to carry it, then?"

"The chest," Sersi says, gesturing. "It will contain the Stone until you reunite it with the others. You'll need to bring it close to the other six Stones, and then you must open the chest. If the myths are true, Nemesis will be reborn."

"So I take it now?" Loki asks, wondering what the catch is. She's smart enough ( _cynical enough-_ ) to know that there's always a catch.

"You must bring it back to me," Sersi says. "Or you must accept guardianship of the Stone. The Ego Stone is too important to be left to the whims of the universe."

"I understand," Loki replies. "Thank you, Sersi."

Sersi smiles a little. "I hope your plan works."

Loki smiles wryly. "I hope so too."

She's about to take the chest when she feels a wave of magic pass through her. It's messy, a tangled knot of multiple magic signatures, and  _she knows them_. There are six signatures, and she knows three. She's touched them, she  _knows_  them-

It's the Stones. Thanos has them. He's-

"Loki," Sersi says, and Loki whirls around to see Sersi begin to dissolve into ashes. "Guard the Stone. Stop him. You must-"

And then Sersi is gone, dust in the wind, leaving Loki alone with the Stone and the knowledge that half the universe is dead.

* * *

_"See, Loki, life is about… it's about growth. It's about change. But you seem to just wanna stay the same. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you'll always be the God of Mischief, but-"_

* * *

Loki tucks the chest containing the Ego Stone in the same dimensional pocket as the information she's gathered. It seems fitting to put the fruit of her research along with the tools that led her to it. Then she closes her eyes and shapeshifts into his male-presenting form. He's feeling ambiguously masculine enough that it's comfortable, and he wants to confront Thanos in the same form he's always used with him before. Thanos has never seen his female-presenting form, and he wants to keep it that way. He wants to keep something safe from Thanos, when nothing else in the universe is.

It's easy to find Thanos. The Stones leave a magical trail that only a fool would be unable to find and follow. It's so strong it's almost nauseating, a thick stench of power that leads straight to a small hut on a small planet, and so that's where Loki goes.

Thanos is there.

Thanos is there, with blood on his chest and a golden gauntlet on his left hand. The gauntlet glitters with the six Stones, their power heady and thick in the air. Loki struggles to breathe past it.

There's no way he can get close enough to Thanos for the Ego Stone to work without Thanos noticing his presence. This will have to be big and dramatic.

Loki's always preferred big and dramatic anyway.

"Thanos!"

Thanos stiffens a little, then he lets out a chuckle. "I've gotten rid of half the universe," he says, "and yet I haven't gotten rid of you."

Loki shrugs. "I'm not easy to kill."

"Obviously," Thanos replies, turning around. "Tell me, how did you survive before?"

"Trade secret."

Thanos nods. "You know you will not survive this time. Not when I wield all the Stones."

_Not all of them._

"We'll see."

Loki gathers up swaths of green seidr and hurls them like a net. It falls over Thanos, who dismisses it with a wave of his gauntlet. Loki can see the Stones glittering in the light. He knows three, and he's just introduced himself to the others. It's a long shot, he knows it, but  _maybe_ -

"My turn," Thanos says, and he turns the full power of the gauntlet onto Loki. It's like nothing he's ever felt before. None of the tortures from the Chitauri could match up to this. The pain is blinding, and Loki isn't even feeling the full power of it. The Space Stone and the Mind Stone are giving him their power, and the Reality Stone is holding back. And still…

He can hardly think, but he hears Thanos laugh.

* * *

The Asgardian skiff was floating through the dead wastes of Svartalfheim, and Loki was the only one onboard who was awake.

Jane had fallen asleep naturally, saving whatever energy she could while the Aether ate the rest away. Thor… Well, he'd been so exhausted that it had only taken a little nudge. The seidr was light enough that he wouldn't even be able to feel it. He would wake in a few minutes, annoyed with himself for falling asleep, and no one would ever be the wiser.

It was necessary. Loki needed to make an introduction.

He extended his seidr carefully, twirling it in front of Jane's sleeping body. Thor had thought the cuffs would dampen Loki's seidr, and they  _did_ , but dampened didn't mean gone. Loki couldn't do anything big, but there were plenty of little things he could do.

Twists of red light extended from Jane's pale skin. Loki let his seidr drop in deference. This was the Aether, this was an Infinity Stone by another name, this was not something to test. Loki would test many other things, but not this.

The red light grew, and Loki tentatively allowed his seidr to grow as well. Slowly, he extended a tendril forward, in front of the red light. He left it a hairsbreadth away, letting the Aether make the final move.

Slowly, it did.

Loki barely dared to breathe as the Aether's light entwined with his seidr. It was hesitant, but not for the same reason that Loki hesitated. Loki waited for the Aether's acceptance. The Aether waited to see if it should give it.

It was a wordless conversation, but perhaps the most careful one Loki had ever had. Using his silver tongue through his seidr wasn't something he did often, and doing so took concentration. He had to make sure that every movement was just right, every inflection and assumption,  _everything_ -

Jane let out a sigh in her sleep and rolled over. The Aether pulled away with her, and Loki scrambled to keep his seidr in contact. He felt the connection waver and tried to twist the threads back together, but then he heard Thor begin to shift and offered the Aether a hurried farewell instead. The light from his seidr and the Aether had just died down when Thor woke with a start, blinking rapidly and looking around.

"Did you have a nice nap?" Loki called sweetly.

Thor scowled. "Are we near?"

"We're near," Loki replied. "You really don't need to worry so much, brother. I've got this perfectly under control."

"Forgive me if I doubt that," Thor muttered, but he didn't seem to have any suspicions of what Loki had been doing during his perfectly ill-timed nap. Loki sighed in relief and hoped he'd have the chance to speak with the Aether again before everything was over.

* * *

Loki once called himself "real power." He taunted SHIELD's lack of understanding of the Tesseract, called the mortals out for their primitive weapons and science, said he was what "real power" was.

He was wrong. The Stones,  _they_  are real power.

"I'm impressed," Thanos says, his voice barely audible over the pounding of Loki's heartbeat in his ears. "You're holding out longer than I expected."

"You underestimate me," Loki grits out.

"Maybe I do," Thanos replies. "Your failure in New York… That was purposeful, wasn't it? Subconsciously, perhaps, but you fought your way free of the Mind Stone. I didn't expect that of you either."

"I'm full of surprises."

"No one can withstand all of the Stones, though," Thanos says, sounding almost mournful. "I wiped out half of all life with them. Do you understand? Half of all living things, gone with a snap of my fingers."

"Then why don't you rid yourself of me with another snap?" Loki counters.

"I promised you that, if you failed me, I would make you long for something sweet as pain," Thanos says. The power from the Stones gets impossibly stronger. "Do you long for it yet?"

Thanos may underestimate Loki, but he's not wrong. Loki cannot withstand this forever. But he's not close enough to the other Stones yet, and he can't risk the Ego Stone by doing something stupid like throwing it. He has to get closer, but he can't. He  _can't_ , the power is too much, this is more than he can fight past-

This is more than he can fight past  _on his own_.

The Grandmaster told him that the Ego Stone would give its wielder the powers of Nemesis, albeit lessened. Sersi warned him that he would not emerge the same person, but Loki has no other choice.

It's the eleventh hour, and he knows he has to take this risk for the good of the universe.

That is, as Thor would say ( _is Thor alive did Thanos kill him will Loki ever see his brother again-_ ), what heroes do.

He moves quickly. Only the Stones can stop the other Stones, so he uses the power that the Space and Mind Stones have been giving him to throw up a quick shield. It'll only last for a few seconds, but that's enough.

He pulls the Ego Stone's chest out of his dimensional pocket and opens it. Nestled inside on folds of crushed velvet is a shimmering white gem, glowing with a pale light. Loki stares at it, his hand hesitating just over it.

The shield flickers. He's out of time.

Loki wraps his fingers around the Ego Stone, and the world goes white.

* * *

He's on a cliff.

It's the same cliff where he last saw Odin, where he watched his father dissolve into golden light and float away on the breeze. Except Odin is there, looking out over the water, just like he was when Loki arrived here last time.

He walks forward, because no matter how much he hates Odin (he does, he hates him, he  _does_ ), he needs to figure out what's happening, and Odin is the only other person here. Odin doesn't turn as he approaches, giving Loki ample time to wonder if he should walk away.

He doesn't.

"Father, it's me."

Odin turns his head. "Loki," he says. "Listen well. That which is called ego-death is coming to you."

Loki frowns. "Father?"

"God of mischief and lies," Odin says with a sigh. "Perhaps we named you too young. How much of what you became was because of what we called you?"

"Father, I don't-"

_-Thanos swings and Loki-Nemesis ducks under it, effortlessly shrugging off the power of the Stones-_

"-understand. What is this place? Why am I here?"

"She warned you," Odin says. "The Eternal. Sersi. She warned you that the Stone would force you to make a choice."

"What choice do I have to make?"

Odin sighs. "You will see. My son, I… I wish things could have been different, between us."

"They could have been," Loki replies with bitterness in his voice. "You could have made them different. You made a choice."

"I did," Odin agrees. "And I regret it. I want you to know."

Loki blinks. "Father-"

And then Odin is gone, and flecks of gold are sparkling in the sunlight.

There's something else-

- _Thanos blasts Loki-Nemesis with the gauntlet's power, and Loki-Nemesis pulls the power close to their chest and blasts it back at him-_

-there, something behind him. Loki turns and sees two figures standing on the cliff, far from the edge where he spoke to Odin. He looks around, seeing no one else, and finally he walks towards them.

As he gets closer, he realizes he recognizes the figures. Of course he does. They're  _him_. Except they're not, not quite. One looks like he did when he invaded New York, madness glinting in his eyes, cheekbones sharp as knives. The other looks softer, kinder, but without the gentle glow of godhood.

They're not him, but they could be. Loki thinks he understands the choice he needs to make now.

"Who are you?"

"We're you," mortal-Loki says. "We're the paths you can take."

"You knew using the Ego Stone would prompt a choice," mad-Loki adds. "We are your choice."

"So I choose one of you?" Loki asks. "And then I become you?"

"You were me, once," mad-Loki says. "But this time, you would be unfettered by the Titan's chains. You would have the power, the strength, the ambition and purpose, and it would all be yours for the taking."

"Or you could be me," mortal-Loki says. "You wouldn't have to worry about Titans or gods or monsters or Infinity Stones. You wouldn't remember would be able to live a simple life. You would live, and you would die, and everything would be over. Isn't that what you want?"

Loki takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. "You are my choices. You are the options that the Ego Stone has laid-"

_-the Stones recognize their creator's essence in Loki-Nemesis's body and yearn for it, but the gauntlet traps them, and Loki-Nemesis bares their teeth and summons a sword of seidr-_

"-before me?"

"We are what you can become," mad-Loki says. "The choice is yours."

Loki scowls. "You're both horrible options. What happens if I don't choose either of you?"

"You cannot emerge from this place the same as you were when you entered," mortal-Loki says. "We are the only options you have."

"You didn't answer my question. What if I don't choose either of you?"

"You die," mad-Loki says simply. "That is your third option. No one ever takes it."

"Perhaps I will," Loki replies, baring his teeth. "I do not fear death."

"Oh, but you do," mad-Loki replies. "You fear it so much that you've fought to escape it twice."

"You don't have to fear it, though," mortal-Loki adds. "A good death after a good life isn't the worst thing in the universe."

Loki shakes his head. "No. No, I won't choose any of these options. There's always a loophole."

"Not this time," mad-Loki says. "You-"

_-Thanos creates a sword of his own with the power of the Stones, and the blades clash with a sound like thunder-_

"-have to choose, Loki."

"I don't like being told I 'have to' do anything," Loki retorts, and he turns on his heel and marches away.

He goes back to the edge of the cliff, where he stood with Odin. His father, in his wisdom, would know what to do, but Loki can't rely on him this time. This time, he has to make the decision himself.

It's not Odin that he wants anyway.

"Mother," he whispers. "Mother, I wish you were here."

"I am," a voice replies, and Loki whirls around to see Frigga behind him, resplendent in her flowing silver and blue dress, the same gown she wore when Loki last saw her. "My darling boy, I am always with you."

"Mother," Loki breathes, and he throws himself forward into Frigga's arms like a child.

"Oh, Loki," Frigga says, wrapping her arms around Loki. "Oh, my sweet boy."

"How are you here?" Loki asks, looking up.

"You are in a place between death and life," Frigga replies. "The curtain is thin enough-"

_-Thanos's sword stabs through Loki-Nemesis's chest, and Loki-Nemesis pulls it back out, baring their bloody teeth-_

"-that we can pass through for a time."

"I don't know what to do," Loki admits quietly, sinking to his knees. Frigga sits, pulling his head into her lap like she used to do when he was small. "I have to a make a choice, but I don't know if I can live with either option."

"Tell me about your options," Frigga says. "Perhaps we can talk it out together."

"Do you know what has been happening?" Loki asks. "With Thanos?"

"Heimdall told us," Frigga replies. "He said Thanos seeks the Infinity Stones to kill half the universe."

"I figured out a way to stop him," Loki says. "There's a seventh Stone. If I reunite it with the other six, they will become a Cosmic Entity named Nemesis, and Thanos will have no more control over the Stones."

"You always were so clever," Frigga says, resting a gentle hand on Loki's head. "Did you find the seventh Stone?"

"I did," Loki replies. "And I went to confront Thanos, but he was too powerful. I had to use the Stone against him. And when I used it, it sent me… here. And now I have to make a choice, and I don't know what to do."

"What are your options?" Frigga asks.

Loki sits up and looks over at his two options, still standing where he left them. "There are two paths I can take, for what I become next. I can either go back to the madness that engulfed me when I attacked Midgard, or I can become a mortal with no memory of this life. And if I don't choose one of them, I'll die."

"You'll die?" Frigga repeats.

"I cannot emerge from this-"

_-Loki-Nemesis's sword flashes silver in the light, and a line of blood begins to drip down Thanos's face-_

"-place unchanged," Loki says, twisting his fingers together.

Frigga purses her lips. "There are many other ways you can change. These cannot be your only options."

"They're the only ones presented to me," Loki replies. "I can't go back to that madness. I  _can't_. But I don't want to be mortal either. And I don't want to die."

Frigga hums. "Becoming a mortal with no memory of your past would be a sort of death."

"I know," Loki says miserably. "I don't like that option either. But what else can I do?"

"You said before that you weren't sure if you could live with either choice," Frigga says. "Do you know for a fact that not choosing either will lead to your death?"

"My options said so."

"If they wish you to choose between them, they may not be honest."

"I know I'll change here," Loki says. "That much is not in question."

"But there are so many other ways you could change," Frigga says, cupping Loki's face gently. "You've already begun to change. I can see it. You're growing, my sweet Loki. Embrace the change, and maybe it will save you."

"And if it doesn't?"

Frigga shrugs one elegant shoulder. "You die as yourself. There is honor in that."

"I'm scared," Loki whispers, a secret he'd only admit to his mother.

"I know you are," Frigga says, pulling him against her side and kissing the top of his head. "But I know you'll make the right choice."

"Do you have to go?" Loki asks as Frigga begins to glow a faint gold.

"I do," Frigga says. "But I will always be-"

_-Loki-Nemesis's sword slices down, and Thanos screams and clutches the stump of his left arm while his hand and gauntlet fall to the ground-_

"-with you, Loki. Always."

"I love you, Mother."

Frigga rests a hand on Loki's cheek, smiling softly at him. "I love you too."

And then she's gone, scattered into the same golden light as Odin, drifting away on the wind.

Loki pushes himself to his feet and walks over to his options. "You must choose," mortal-Loki says. "You don't have much time."

"I choose neither of you," Loki says.

Mad-Loki tips his head to the side. "Then you'll die."

"I'm not sure about that," Loki replies. "I'm going to change, just not into either of you. We'll have to see if that's enough."

"You have to choose," mortal-Loki insists.

"I already told you, I don't like being told I 'have to' do anything," Loki says. He grins, baring his teeth. "So let's see how this goes."

"You  _have to pick_ ," mad-Loki says through gritted teeth. "You have no other choice."

"There's always another choice," Loki says. "And I'm choosing that." He looks at his two options. "I'm me. First, last, and-"

_-Loki-Nemesis bends down and reaches for the fallen gauntlet, all seven of the Stones yearning for each other-_

"-always."

* * *

"Mother!" Thor cried. "Mother, Mother-"

"Yes, Thor?" Frigga asked, waving a hand to dismiss her illusions. Loki scowled. Of course his magic lesson was paused the second Thor entered the room.

"I was talking to Fandral, and I told him about the Mead of Suttungr, and he said it wasn't real. He called me a liar!"

"It's not a lie," Frigga said, sitting down. Loki plopped down onto the floor, annoyed. The lesson seemed to be over.

"But is it true?" Thor demanded, sitting next to Loki and looking up at Frigga plaintively.

"It didn't happen, no," Frigga replied.

"So it's a lie!" Thor cried.

"No," Frigga corrected, "it's a story."

Thor blinked and frowned. "What's the difference?"

"A lie is something that someone says to deceive," Frigga said. "A story is something that we tell for a reason."

"But it's not true," Thor protested. "So it's a lie!"

"They're not the same, Thor," Frigga said, shaking her head slightly.

"I don't get it," Thor whined.

"Do you, Loki?" Frigga asked.

Loki shrugged. "I dunno. Can we go back to our magic lesson?"

"Would you like to join us, Thor?" Frigga asked.

Thor shook his head. "But I still don't get it, Mother."

"Then don't get it somewhere else," Loki retorted.

"Loki!" Frigga scolded. "Be nice to your brother."

Loki made a face, and Thor made a face back at him.

Frigga sighed. "Come on, boys. Thor, why don't you go see what your father is doing. Loki, show me your illusions."

Thor left, and Loki and Frigga went back to the magic lesson. Loki never said whether or not he understood the difference between lies and stories.

He didn't. They were one and the same. A story was just a lie that people agreed to accept, and a lie was just a story told.

* * *

_"You'll always be the God of Mischief, but you could be_ more _."_

* * *

Loki's eyes blink open. He's lying on the ground, a hole through his chest, a bloody arm next to him, and a woman with dark skin and hair like stars standing before him.

"Who are you?" Nemesis asks, looking down at Loki.

"I'm Loki."

"And you found me? How did you find me?" Nemesis tips her head to the side. "I was only a story."

"I'm the god of stories," Loki replies. It's the first time he says it aloud. The words feel right in his mouth. "I knew you were more than one." He tries to shift on the ground and gasps against a flash of pain in his chest.

Nemesis crouches next to him. "Are you dying?"

"I think so," Loki replies, reaching one hand to his chest. His fingers come back red with blood.

"Well," Nemesis says, ghosting a hand along the side of Loki's face, "if I am a story, I need my god."

Her fingers tap against Loki's forehead, and he gasps as he feels the hole in his chest knit back together. He sits up, rubbing gently at his chest. "Thank you."

"What are you?" Thanos demands, still clutching the stump where his left arm abruptly ends. "How did you take the Stones from me?"

"The Stones  _are_  me," Nemesis says. She looks down at Thanos. "You tried to corrupt them. You used them for destruction."

"I was trying to save the universe," Thanos protests.

"The universe does not need to be saved by you," Nemesis says. "It must be saved  _from_  you." She leans down and taps Thanos's forehead, and he dissolves into ash.

Watching it abruptly reminds Loki of Sersi. "He used the Stones to kill half the universe," he says, standing. "Can you bring them back?"

"They should never have died in the first place," Nemesis says. She waves a hand, and Loki feels a massive wave of power. "There. All is set back to rights. Everyone who this creature killed with the Stones is back, as well as the woman he killed to gain my Soul." Nemesis makes a face. "It should never have been perverted like that."

"You just… brought them back?" Loki asks, staring. "Just like that?"

"I did," Nemesis replies. "Now, little god, tell me, is there anything else you would have me do?"

"Anything else?"

"I can do anything," Nemesis says. "Is there anything you would ask?"

_Bring Asgard back._

_Bring my people back._

_Bring Mother back._

_Fix everything that has been ruined._

"What would the cost be?"

Nemesis laughs. "You're a clever little god, aren't you? There was one thing that Thanos was correct about. The universe does indeed require balance. If I create one thing, I must destroy something else. If I give someone life, I must bring death to someone else." She gestures at the spot where Thanos had been standing. "I killed him so I could bring back the woman he killed."

"My healing?" Loki asks, looking down at his still-bloody chest.

"You needn't worry, little god. That was not a great enough action to require balance. But restoring people to life… that is."

"Restoring everyone that Thanos killed with the Stones?"

Nemesis's face twists in anger. "That was a perversion. That was a  _desecration_. That should never have occurred in the first place. Undoing it was putting the universe back to rights."

But undoing everything else wouldn't be.

A selfish part of Loki wants to demand that Nemesis bring Asgard back anyway and damn the consequences, but he swallows the words. He can't. He can't bring so much mindless, needless death to the universe. He would be no better than Thanos. He would be worse. Thanos, as misguided as he was, did what he did because he thought it was best for everyone. Loki would be doing what he did out of pure selfishness, for the good of a single nation, and he wants to be better than that.

"I do not ask anything of you?"

"Nothing?" Nemesis asks, looking surprised. "Not even your mother?"

"She wouldn't want to be brought back to life if it was at the cost of another," Loki says. "I do not ask anything."

Nemesis smiles. "You have wisdom in you, little god. Very well."

"What will you do now?" Loki asks.

Nemesis looks around. "I think I will stay in this universe. There is much to see here. And my Stones are too powerful for anyone else to wield. This is proof."

"If you're not going to split back into Stones, would you mind going to Sersi and telling her I didn't steal the Ego Stone, but I can't bring it back?" Loki asks.

Nemesis laughs. "I would visit her even if you had not asked. She guarded my consciousness for many years. I should like to see her with my own eyes."

"So you'll stay?" Loki asks.

"I shall," Nemesis replies. "Before I go to Sersi, is there anywhere you wish for me to send you?" Seeing the look on Loki's face, she laughs again and adds, "There is no cost, little god. Merely a favor to the being who restored me. Where would you have me send you?"

Loki considers the offer. It only takes a heartbeat.

"Is Thor alive?"

"He is."

"Send me to him."

Nemesis smiles. "I hope we will meet again, little god," she says, and then the world collapses into darkness and stars.

* * *

Loki is on Midgard.

He can feel that in his bones.  _Where_  on Midgard is uncertain, but he doesn't particularly care. This is where Thor is, Nemesis promised. This is where he can find his brother.

There are people all around him, but no one seems to notice the man in bloody leather armor who appeared out of nowhere. Considering the way everyone seems to be embracing and crying, Loki thinks they're all still coming to terms with the fact that the people who were lost to Thanos's power have been restored with Nemesis's.

He looks around, searching for the familiar red cape. Thor is here, Nemesis promised. Thor is  _here_ -

Loki sees a flash of red and whirls around. Thor, Thor,  _Thor_ -

Thor is here.

Loki would like to say that he kept his dignity, that he walked over calmly, but he sprints. "Thor!" he yells. "Thor!"

Thor whirls around, eyes (since when does he have two eyes again?) huge. "Loki?"

"Thor," Loki says, throwing himself into his brother's arms. "Thor, you're alive."

" _I'm_  alive?" Thor repeats, looking down at Loki in shock, even as his grip crushes Loki to his chest. "You're the one who died!"

Loki lets out a shaky laugh. "Come now, brother, shouldn't you know better by now?"

"Loki, you…" Thor shakes his head and holds Loki tighter. "How did you survive? How did you come here? What have you been doing?"

"How did you think everything Thanos did was reversed?"

Thor actually lets Loki out of his embrace to hold him at arm's length and stare at him with wide eyes. "You did this?"

Loki grins. "I did."

"How?"

"It's a rather long story."

Thor smiles, bright like the sun, and Loki smiles back.

"I can't wait to hear it."

**Author's Note:**

> My writing tumblr is [here](http://winterskywrites.tumblr.com/), if you're interested.


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